Marianna Jaross
There is no guide book for when life falls apart; whether this is a job, relationship, or other life circumstance.
However, it is inevitable that at some point we are going to face failed plans, an unexpected life circumstance, or loss. This is a part of the human experience.
Of course, the specifics of our situations are going to warrant different interventions and support; however, here are some ideas to get started.
1.) Stay on top of your emotional real estate before things fall apart. If we are operating on 50% regarding our relationships, health, sleep, emotional health and just ‘getting by’; we are going to be more deeply rocked by and have less bandwidth to deal with unexpected challenges. In short, try not to wait until crisis point to look after your emotional health. If you have, recognise that you need support.
2.) Have a tool-box of supportive people or activities saved somewhere that you can access when things fall apart, or create this when you experience an unexpected shift. This can include a professional network of support or people you trust and can turn to (such as GP, therapist, health service(s), personal relationships with trusted friends and/or family, and self-care activities that are supportive for your health and personalised to you.
3.) Don’t isolate yourself. It can be tempting to want to withdraw from connections if things fall apart; we don’t like looking vulnerable, admitting failure, or that something hasn’t worked out. However, we actively have to go the other way; and make sure that we are allowing ourselves the compassion to be human and make mistakes, have life plans change, and allow others to show up for us.
4.) Reach out for support. Seeking support and help is an incredibly ‘normal’ and human part of life. We aren’t meant to ride the waves of life’s challenges alone, and we need community to heal and help carry us through. Sometimes, we need others to hold hope for us when we can’t hold it ourselves, and that is ok.
5.) Take time to grieve and process. We need to take time to grieve and accept a new situation; and it can take a bit of time for our mind, heart and gut to align and accept a change in circumstance. Gently facing reality and building up your resources of support at the same time is a helpful combination. This is what is going to allow you to process your pain and consider/take new steps.
6.) Make a plan. Do the best with the new information you have. You may have to adapt to a new situation or circumstance; but on the other side of this may be the ability to pivot towards alternatives. Making a plan and taking new steps can help you to look after yourself.
7.) Remember that seasons change. We know that the good doesn’t last forever, and neither does the negative or the challenging. You don’t have to be overly optimistic about the future if that feels too challenging or inauthentic. Instead, it might be easier to cultivate a gentle curiosity as to what might come next, and frame that though this might be a winter season, spring can come next.
Overall, the understanding that we all face unexpected plot twists, gentle curiosity, and the right personal and professional supports can be the healing balm to begin to process unexpected challenges, and prepare for what might come next.
© Marianna Jaross 2024
Note: This article is independent of my professional association(s) and workplace(s).
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