Marianna Jaross
The recent Australian Maltreatment Study (ACMS) revealed the impacts of abuse across the lifespan; including on mental health diagnoses, health risk-related behaviours and service engagement with professionals (ACMS, 2023).
Personally, I found this research both validating and mortifying. Of course, both as a client and as a professional I am a believer in therapy: I think we should all have access logistically and financially to therapy and support, and normalise this the way we normalise having dental check-ups or visiting our general practitioner. I am also aware that there are limitations to this financially and systemically, which is beyond my scope to address within this article specifically.
The intention of this article is to zoom out from the default of one-to-one of therapy and provide the lived experience insight into all the elements that made my healing possible. For me personally there were holes in traditional talk-therapy models, which prompted both my participation and further study into other support, fields, and communities.
As a professional I advocate for holistic and trauma-informed practice, and approaches which include body-work, our need for connection, community, and creativity to support healing; all of which I think have a way to go to become deeply integrated and entrenched into mainstream therapy, despite the evidence-base and necessity of such approaches.
In short, I have personally had a foot in the ‘mainstream’ door of psychology and one in other areas which supported healing through different self-directed paths which included; engaging my senses, tools to soothe and re-regulate my nervous system, creative self-expression, and reigniting my passion for dance and movement.
It is important to note that what worked for me personally is not going to work for everyone; and healing from pain and trauma is not a one-size-fits-all prescription, but rather a personalised journey that has to be tailored to you, your unique needs, and required supports.
This said, this is what has helped me. Perhaps it will help you and/or others you support:
1.) Finding and having access to professionals who understand trauma and its impacts, and the mind-body-soul connection. Having access to professionals who were holistic, gentle, and considerate helped me immensely. This wasn’t about labels or diagnoses, but people who were person-centered and able to provide both a safe space for me to unravel my story, and practical support/tools for my life and its challenges.
2.) Reading stories about hardship and triumph. I think one of the hardest things about going through trauma and its impacts is the silence and shame. Reading stories about other people and their healing journeys held a torch of hope me for me when I couldn’t hold it myself. We need stories and honesty to heal.
3.) Understanding that family does not guarantee access to our lives forever. We live in a culture and society where family is prioritised over everything else. The premise of this might be well-intentioned, but when so many people are experiencing hurt and abuse at the hands of people who were/are supposed to protect them, we are setting people up for hurt. I maintain the stance that everyone, including family, has to earn trust; and to make decisions based on treatment rather than out of knee-jerk obligation and conditioning.
4.) Forgiveness is not a requisite for healing. This is in contrast to all of the self-help and well-intentioned words about how we need to forgive in order to heal. When you’ve experienced abuse, ‘forgiving’ someone can feel trivial and impossible. For me personally, the better aim was processing my hurt and pain deeply, building my life around me in a way which felt supportive and safe, and gravitating towards healthy behaviours and relationships. This made my relationship with my past, including the feelings about those who hurt me, simmer down. There is still a sting at times, but it is no longer an open wound. That is what we want: Scar tissue, not a wound.
5.) Understanding that healing had to involve my body, physiology, and understanding my body responses. This meant that I couldn’t just focus on the cognitive side of talk therapy. I learned skills to draw attention to my body such as mindfulness, grounding techniques, breathing techniques, and developed a menu list of self-soothing behaviours that I could implement. I also engaged with my body and activities that were fun and felt good; such as yoga, pilates, and dance. These all either helped me feel safe in my body, have fun, and connect with others; which were invisible yet significant foundations of my healing.
6.) Internalising the positive messages I received from therapists, teachers, mentors, and people who showed me care. Though I had experiences that were awful and impacted my internal dialogue for years; I also had slivers of kindness that had been offered to me throughout my life. These became the words I held onto, and a kind word or phrase – from a stranger, book, therapist, teacher or mentor – became the soothing balm for me to remember in times of struggle.
7.) Cultivating my interests, curiosity, and play; regardless of what others said. I learned that I could feed and reclaim my soul by engaging with and satiating my curiosity: I loved to study, read, gain knowledge, and learned about art therapy, dance movement therapy, attended community dance spaces, and connected with people in realms outside of work or the hum-drum of my daily life. Community and curiosity were important parts of building relationships, learning to trust people again, and feeling connected.
8.) Building supportive habits in my daily life. I know that it can sound surface level to ‘build habits’; but having a few things I do most days that support my health and wellbeing has been helpful, even if this fluctuates at times. This includes walking or exercise, eating balanced meals, connecting with others, taking time to myself, and looking after ‘life admin’ and life practicalities. These are all cogs in the machine that have helped me heal and my life to progress.
9.) Being mindful of the company and community I surround myself with. The people in my life have been cultivated over time; and meet the requisite requirements for consistency, good communication, and a two-way relationship. I want connections that feel both safe and nourishing, and I am picky about where I allocate my energy.
Overall, I understand that healing from the past – and its pain – can be a process, and that I have been lucky to have access to my training as a therapist, as well as people and places that have provided me with insights and opportunities to piece myself back together.
Healing from trauma and abuse means addressing our body, mind, and health-related habits; as well as our relationships, community, and creativity to reconnect with parts of ourselves that were shunned, dismissed, or couldn’t emerge when we had to prioritise survival over everything else.
This said, we can blossom nonetheless, and I say this not because I am advocating for positivity only or minimising the impact of our pain; but because I think that the human soul is stubborn, and can thrive with access to the right supports, information, and tools, even after experiencing pain and hardship. As such, our responsibility as a community and healthcare system is to make sure access to windows of healing and support is available.
The intention here has been to provide hope that healing and change is possible, wherever you are now; and to continue to look for supports and the unique ingredients that will contribute to your building blocks of healing.
This is not an overnight process, but it is possible.
References
Mathews, B et al. (2023). The Australian Child Maltreatment Study: National prevalence and associated health outcomes of child abuse and neglect. The Medical Journal of Australia, 218(6), S1-S47.
© Marianna Jaross
Note: This article is independent of my professional association(s) and workplace(s).
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